The Struggle Is Real

My attempt to quit smoking and the fears that I have along with it.

The Struggle Is Real

I wake up every morning and the first thing I do is reach for my cigarettes. With that first puff the coughing begins, but instantly my nerves seem to calm and so goes another puff. I make my coffee, oh but wait, I need another cigarette to enjoy my coffee. Once I get through the first two, maybe three cigarettes then I can start my day.  

I start up the stairs to take my shower and before I make it to the top, I’m already gasping for breath. My heart is pounding hard and fast as though I just finished running a marathon. I tell myself on a daily basis that this has to stop! How can I expect to make more memories when I can’t even start my day without the evilness that dwells within each cigarette.

I think of my mother and the struggles that she had with this same addiction. She was a very athletic woman. In 1985 she even held Ms. Georgia Armature Body Building title. She was an awesome singer and song writer, along with many other talents. Slowly, this addiction tore her down. I watched on a daily basis as she began loosing the battle she was fighting. What was once a young and vibrant woman, willing to take on any challenge, she began to depend more and more on the help of others just to get around. Finally, somewhere around the age of 50, she smoked her last cigarette. But by then, it was too late. The damage was done. She passed at the age of 54 of Emphysema and chronic lung disease.

This year in April, I will be 52 years old. Is it too late for me too? Every time I think of trying to quit, that is the question that I ask myself. That thought crosses my mind every day. I’m scared to quit, and I’m scared not to quit.

Weight gain is another fear. I’ve gained more than enough already. I don’t need to gain anymore. I will be fighting two battles at once.  I will need all the encouragement and prayers that I can get.

1 Corinthians 10:13  “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”



Author: Wendy Nix

Just a small town girl with big hopes and dreams. I am now in my 50's with minor medical issues but that doesn't stop me from doing what I love to do. I love to camp and fish in my free time, and I have high hopes of traveling in an RV at some time.

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